Better to be diplomatic than to accuse
If you start the interaction with an accusation it puts the other person on the defensive; it also means that if your accusation was wrong you need to back down and apologize, or else dig in further (even though you know you're wrong).
This is particularly true when using e-mail -- where there's no vocal inflection to carry the tone, just phrasing.
Instead, perhaps be humble; frame it as a confirmatory question.
Example #1: "You should never submit Form Z without manager's approval!", try "I just need to confirm: it looks like you submitted Form Z without getting manager's approval: is this correct?"
Example #2: "I sent you this e-mail a month ago -- and you haven't replied. I guess that's an answer in itself." Instead, try "I'm just following up: I don't have a record your response to the below e-mail from a month ago: could you please forward your original response, or provide a response now? Thanks!"
To my mind, the underlying aim isn't about blame: it's about accomplishing or clarifying something (e.g. "verifying that form was properly approved; if not, reminding the worker of the level of approval needed for that form"; "discovering the answer to the initial query".
Maybe there's a reasonable explanation for what you think is the other person's mistake or oversight. Or, maybe there isn't. Regardless, I don't see a lot of advantages of starting the interaction aggressively rather than mildly: you just come off as an unpleasant person.
--GG
Labels: for the squids, my traits, wisdom
posted by Gye Greene @ 12:32 PM
2 Comments:
Excellent points! Too bad there aren't more co-workers (and especially managers) who practice this method!
One thing my boss does, to his credit, is sometimes when I've messed something up, in his presentations he'll say "we" made the mistake, instead of blaming only me. I think that's generous of him.
I've heard (through not necessarily iron-clad sources) that when medical doctors admit they made a mistake and apologize that they are less likely to be sued than when they make excuses and don't accept blame.
Another idea that perhaps loosely ties in: It's better to be vaguely correct, than precisely wrong.
At work, I usually use the phrase "My understanding is..." That way, I'm never technically wrong, because I'm not asserting that something is **true** -- just that it's how **I** think it is!
--GG
Post a Comment
<< Home