Four of my pet theories

Four of my “pet theories” follow. I haven’t done any systematic research on the validity of these – but, I have yet to encounter a situation which disproves them.


Divorce: People that get divorced really shouldn’t have got married in the first place.

My sense is that people don’t “grow apart”, as much as they were too different (interests; values; personalities) to begin with. If one person is a spender, and the other's a saver; if one person is scientific and hyper-rational, and the other one is pretty illogical; if all of your college friends are uneasy about your dating this person -- a bad sign.

To be clear: You don't have to be identical to get married -- and, who is, anyhow? But in my limited observation, marriage is all about working with the other person, co-operation, and finding working arrangements. Thus, it's about (1) capitalizing on each person's strengths to supplement the other person's weaknesses, and (2) reaching work-arounds and compromises for the differences in tastes, styles, personalities, interests, and etcetera.

And a lot of times -- like The Lady and myself, for example -- a couple might seem incompatible on the surface. But as long as most of the fundamentals are there, then it'll work out. (The Lady, and I, for example, both hoard books, like movies, are fairly religious, come from similar backgrounds [working-class grandparents; parents who are school teachers], and are pretty straight-laced in terms of morals and ethics.)

So, I'm not suggesting that dis-similar people **will** get divorced. But there's a difference between being dissimilar on some levels, but highly compatible on others -- versus being mega-different to the extent that it causes raised eyebrows among everyone else.

(Hm. That section sounded like a "Big Man" type of post....) :)


Bands: Every band has at least one hit-worthy song in them.

Although for some bands, one is all they have. And for some bands, their "hit song" is a quirky or innovative "cover song" of an existing hit song.

This includes both famous and non-famous bands. Even "garage bands" that never make it out of the garage (or, the spare bedroom).


Favourite grandparent: If both sets of grandparents are still alive during a kid’s childhood, one set will be the clear favourite (e.g. warmer, nicer, friendlier), and the other will be “just o.k.” (or worse).

This tends to be related to who is seen on a regular basis, and who isn’t (e.g. who lives in town, versus on the other side of the country) – but not always.

And, yes, there’s some spuriousness and selection bias in here: if one set of grandparents is less friendly, the parents probably won’t put as much effort into visiting them; and warm and fuzzy grandparents are probably more likely to take the time to visit than grandparents who don’t know what do to with little kids.

In my own life: One set of grandparents lived five miles away, in the same town, and attended the same church -- so we saw them every Sunday, plus usually once a week just in the course of my parents running misc. errands. The other grandparents lived about a half hour's drive away, and about 45 minutes away (divorced) -- so we didn't see them as much.

With my children: My parents live in another country; my wife's parents live across the street. And until recently, my MIL provided daycare for my daughter a few days a week. So, my parents will have a lot of catching up to do!


Party trick: Everyone has at least one party trick in them; the trick is to figure out what it is.

Juggling? Tying a knot in a cherry stem with your tongue? Doing the splits? Everyone has something that is rare or quirky.

Weird tattoos and/or scars count.

I have a few "party tricks" – some of which I keep forgetting:

• Hanging a spoon off my nose
• Doing an Aikido roll over several people in the “drop and cover” position (kind of like Evel Knievel motorcycle-jumping over a row of cars)
• Having my eyebrows “breakdance” (i.e. doing “the worm”)
• Doing the “wet helicopter” sound with my mouth
• The “slappity-slap” rhythmic sound with my hands on a table (my dad taught me this one; hard to explain; ask me when you see me next)
  
• My bizarrely flat feet (I had an x-ray done, once; looked like someone's hand pressed onto a table)
• Showing off my Japanese-Scandinavian latent tallness (if I sit on a bench next to a male who is an inch or two taller than myself, my seated height is taller! Short legs [Jp.], long torso [Scand.]).

Feel free to post your "party trick" in the Comments section... Or, your comments or experiences with any of the above (e.g. "favorite grandparents").


--GG