Child's funeral

Today we went to the funeral of a co-worker's kid: Not the jolliest of ways to spend yer Saturday. They scattered the ashes near the top of a hill that's on the property of a family friend's farm.

Since the family isn't of any particular religion, but has touches of new-age-y, the service was pretty informal. At the scattering of the ashes, everyone did some ''ohmmmm''-ing. I'd brought along my trombone, to play a drone note.

Unfortunately, I'd had to carry The Kid all the way up the hill. Between carrying the kid, and me being aerobically out of shape, my breathing hadn't stabilized by the time of the ''ohmmm''-ing. Plus, I'd been over-confident that week: since it had been a few months since I'd touched the trombone, I should've gotten in a few puffs over the week, to re-familarize myself with where the notes are kept. But I hadn't.

And thus, during the ohmmm-ing, I couldnt' find the pitch. After two or three tries, I realized I was detracting, rather than adding, to the situation, and I stopped, and quietly put down the trombone. The number one rule in music is knowing when to play, and when to lay back.

In hindsight, playing a woodwind, or using a mute (which I don't own) would've been better suited to the ''mmmmm'', anyhow. A trombone is too bright & brassy.

So, I was a bit embarassed, and somewhat annoyed with myself. On the one hand, the trombone isn't one of my ''main'' instruments (I'd say guitar and electric bass would be). But, I think of myself as a musician -- and I was just a big ol' flop. Did harm to my self concept. And have always had recurring ''performance anxiety'' dreams of being forced to do a piano recital, and yet I don't even know the piece. (I don't play the piano.) Felt kind of like that.


On the brighter side, the ride there and back was pleasant. And had some good family bonding time with The Kid and The Lady. Turkeys, goats, chickens on the farm. And The Kid was tired and kept wanting to be carried, and since The Lady's back is still bothering her, I got to do all the carrying. Which was very cute and cuddly: When The Kid is tired, she lays her head on my shoulder and puts her arm around the back of my neck.


So: A weirdly emotional day.


--GG